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The Unapologetic Geek

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Bananaman's Valentine's Day Playlist - Page 2

Important note from The Unapologetic Geek: Don't listen to anything this guy says or do anything he suggests. Bananaman is a big, fat jerk who does not have your best interests at heart.


5.
BEN FOLDS FIVE - SONG FOR THE DUMPED


Best lyric: I wish I hadn't bought you dinner / Right before you / Dumped me on your front porch / Give me my money back / Give me my money back, you bitch

Ben Folds Five use their considerable talent to keep things in proper focus. If you look at relationships as an investment, it is always a losing proposition. All the time, effort, and money you put into it is never going to pay off. You'll wind up dumped and alone and you'll just have to accept that you've lost all that stuff. The longer the relationship lasts, the worse it gets, too. While Ben Folds is recounting a rather short-term relationship, the song could just as easily be about a guy getting divorced after twenty years of marriage and begging his ex--who no doubt got away with well over 50%--to give him his children back. That's the true face of romance, ladies and gentlemen; don't forget it.


6.
PUDDLE OF MUDD - SHE FUCKING HATES ME


Best lyric: She was queen for about an hour / After that, shit got sour / She took all I ever had / No sign of guilt / No feeling of bad

Ah, the classic eloquence of Puddle of Mudd. This entry on the playlist exists to let you vent, just a little, and remember that, no matter what you might have thought about your last relationship, the person you loved fucking hates you. Don't try to be friends; don't chase after them; and don't kid yourself. Love is illusive, but hate is eternal. If she didn't hate you, she wouldn't have stomped all over your heart like that, you idiot. When you watch the above clip, notice how the young girls in the audience are singing along with utmost enthusiasm. Each and every one of them has already broken some poor guy's heart and they like thinking about it.


7.
NINE INCH NAILS - WISH


Best lyric: Don't think you're having all the fun / You know me, I hate everyone / Wish there was something real / Wish there was something true / Wish there was something real / In this world full of you

Okay, no more screwing around. Feel your hatred flow through you as you scream along with Trent Reznor in this lovely ballad. It was tough to pick just one Nine Inch Nails song for this playlist--since roughly 100% of them are about how horrible it is to feel anything--but "Wish" is probably the best for purging all that jaded energy you've built up over years of getting your soul scrambled by love. There is probably no better music to wallow in your own homicidal rage than this. I'd have gone with Trent's most popular song, "Closer," but that's a touch too romantic for my purposes here.


8.
GRAVITY KILLS - GOODBYE


Best lyric: I'm sick and tired of all of your lies / I'm sick and tired and I'm saying goodbye / I don't need this poison / I don't need control / I don't need forgiveness / I don't need you

It's good to end your playlists on a happy note, and I can think of nothing more soothing after Nine Inch Nails than Gravity Kills. This song is an affirmation, an empowering anthem that helps you tackle the world on your own terms. If you need help severing your ex from your life and aren't willing to resort to the murder advocated by Guns N Roses and Better Than Ezra, go over to his or her house with the biggest boom box you can find, hold it over your head, and play this song at full volume. Of course, you should be prepared for the repercussions, as you will likely get a restraining order against you and go to jail. But hey, if that happens, at least he or she will finally be out of your life for good, which means you win.


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-e. magill 2/14/2012










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